Burnt Marshmallow's
by TwistedforTwilight
Summary: Jasper meets Edward at a family reunion. All human CAUTION: M for mature themes and lemons SLASH J/E
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This was originally posted as a one-shot. I am probably going to extend it another couple of chapters.**

**Thanks for reading!**

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**Chapter 1**

**JPOV**

Another fucking family reunion.

I was told that this year there was a hundred and fifty people in attendance which means there would be a hundred and forty people that I wouldn't know. The only family that we ever saw on a regular basis was the Black's and Denali's, neither of which have kids my age except for my cousin Peter who is four months older than me. My dad and his brother Marcus were close so I saw Peter often growing up.

Whenever we were together we looked for trouble. I had my first cigarette, my first drink and my first girl with Peter. When I turned fifteen I told Peter I was gay. I admitted it to him before I told the rest of my family to gauge his reaction myself.

I would have been pretty devastated if he didn't take the news well, but it should have been no surprise that Peter accepted me with open arms…literally. He gave me a big bear hug and told me that my being gay could never affect our relationship. He jokingly asked me if I wanted to swap hand jobs, and then laughed hysterically when I turned beet red with embarrassment. He was right, our relationship never faltered, if anything it grew stronger.

I was looking forward to seeing and hanging out with him for the weekend. I briefly wondered what kind of trouble he was going to get me in. I chuckled at the thought.

The reunion was held at the same place every year, up north in the boonies, on some reservation. The park would actually be a great place to hang out if it wasn't for the four, long fucking hours in the car with my parents to get to it.

The reservation had a huge lake on which my family rented various pieces of recreational equipment for our entertainment. They had jet ski's, boats for skiing and tubing, a pontoon boat, canoes, kayaks and paddle boats that were all to be used at our leisure. The park had other activities such as horseback riding, hiking, tennis courts, volleyball and a baseball diamond. None of which I planned on partaking in, unless under duress from one of my cohorts.

This year I was bringing Bella. She was my BFF; we had been friends since we were six. I sat in front of her in Mr. Banner's first grade class and one day, out of the blue, she started twirling my blond curly locks with her finger. I turned to glare at her and she just smiled and told me she loved my hair. I returned her smile and we sat on the bus together every day from that day on.

We hung out at least five times a week, alternating from her house to mine. My house had more amenities, like Wii, PlayStation, and we had a vast movie and CD collection. We liked to watch movies on the projector TV, sitting in matching leather recliners, but Bella's house had something just as inviting…no parents.

Bella's dad was the police chief of our little town and he was rarely home. Bella's mom took off when she was ten, finding motherhood and marriage dissatisfying. Her dad buried himself in work, leaving me to help Bella cope with her loss. We grew closer after that year; our relationship took on a whole new level. I had become her brother…her protector.

Bella had been in and out of some pretty volatile relationships and every time she got hurt I would have to do damage control. That usually meant that I had to have a little talk with the boy at the time, and then give him a bloody nose for good measure.

Nobody messed with my Bella.

My parents still had hopes that Bella and I would be a couple one day. Even though they had known about my sexual preference for a couple of years now, mom and dad still hoped Bella could turn me straight. I tried dating the opposite sex because frankly, being gay wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

I had been hurt a lot in the beginning of my coming out; not fully understanding that the boys I ended up with were never planning on going public themselves. I was naïve enough to think that I could have any kind of normalcy. Most of the boys I had been intimate with turned on me in vicious ways when they felt that our relationship would be revealed.

I received daily beatings from them to prove that they were pussy lovers. Yeah…I had been hurt more times than not, but it made me stronger. I enrolled in Tae Kwon Do and kickboxing. I didn't have a choice when every Tom, Dick and Harry thought that they could get a piece of me because I liked cock, but I was not _that_ gay guy. By looking at me you'd think I was straight as a goddamn arrow. I was a boy and I acted like a boy. I liked my partners to be boys, too. I didn't like girls, and I was not attracted to guys that acted like them.

I had become cynical. My "relationships", if you will, lasted no more than a couple of hours. We reached our mutual satisfaction than I was out the fucking door. I never lingered, I never stayed the night and I damn sure never saw them again. Because of my past, I never lead another guy on. They always knew what they were getting into, and that there was no future for us. It didn't matter, only a few had turned me away, even though they knew the way I was.

On the way there Bella and I had several road trip games going on. We were currently playing Slug Bug, I Spy and The Alphabet Game simultaneously, but after two hours we both got bored so I pulled out my iPod and gave her an ear bud. After stopping for one needed potty break we finally arrived.

Already it seemed like there were hundreds of cars in the parking lot. _Fantastic_. I glanced over at Bella who was eagerly looking at her surroundings.

Bella had always wanted to attend my weekend family reunion, but her dad wouldn't let her spend the night with me.

Since he now knew that I was gay he felt confident that I wouldn't ravage her, safely protecting her virtue – which was something that disappeared quite some time ago. Bella wasn't a slut by any means, but she had more than a few sexual experiences.

What her dad also failed to realize was that for the last three years Bella had a thing for Peter. Peter didn't go to the same school as Bella and I, but since Bella and I were inseparable she had the pleasure of meeting him on more than one occasion.

Peter was clueless to Bella's feelings, and she said she would tear my dick off if I ever made him aware.

_How was that going to accomplish anything?_

Especially since Peter felt exactly the same way, except he hadn't offered to remove my dick from my body if I said something to her. His threat had something more to do with a hot poker and crazy glue. I had no idea what that meant but I didn't want to find out.

"Oh Dear." My mom exclaimed as she noticed the lack of parking spots available. Dad eventually found a spot hidden between two RV's and squeezed his Escalade in. We all exited the car, stretching our sore leg and back muscles. We grabbed a few items from the vehicle and headed off to the reunion site by following the "Cullen/Hale etc." signs.

Bella was skipping along side of me, excited at the prospect of participating in all the reservation had to offer and the idea of spending some quality time with Peter. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm as we walked toward the large group of people.

After a million hugs and kisses from people I didn't know I snagged the nearest lawn chair on the little beach, and pulled a book out of my bag intending to get some reading done.

It was a perfect day. It was in the mid eighties and the sun was out in full strength. I tilted my head back, soaking up the rays. Bella had disappeared when we were in the throngs of welcoming embraces, and had just found me, sitting in the lawn chair opposite me.

"Oh Jasper. He's not here yet." She pouted, and I chuckled.

"Bella, he'll be here. Believe me, he wouldn't miss it. He's been talking about it all month." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Why is he so excited? Doesn't he come every year?" She inquired.

I thought about her question and then I thought about crazy glue and hot pokers.

"I dunno. They didn't have the paddle boats last year, so maybe that's it." I lied. As soon as Peter found out that Bella was coming he had been bouncing off the walls.

"Oh." She said sullenly. I shook my head internally. She just had no idea.

I looked out into the lake and noticed a boy and a little girl frolicking in the water. Without focusing, I would say that the boy appeared to be about my age and the girl seemed to be closer to four or five. They were in water that reached her midsection and up to his thighs, just above the knee. I noticed that his wet swimming shorts were plastered to his body. My dick noticed too and twitched in my shorts.

I squinted in the sunlight to get a better look as my eyes made their way up further onto his body. You could see a well defined "V" disappearing into low hanging shorts. His abdomen was flat and taut, his chest and arms were toned. He had the body of a runner or swimmer, muscular but not heavily built. My crotch was rising to the occasion as I languidly perused his magnificent body.

Imperceptibly, I adjusted myself while I delved into my bag for my sunglasses. I wanted to make sure when I saw his face I could distinguish every detail. With my sunglasses on I saw that he and the girl were wading their way out of the water. I watched as the muscles contracted in his thighs as he made his way to the shore. I finally looked into his face, scared that I would ruin the beautiful image of his body with a less than appealing face.

_Holy fucking shit._ Had I been wrong. The guy was a fucking God. His hair was a mass of bronze strands that stood up, out, and in every other direction. He hadn't gotten it wet, so it was flying in and out of his eyes as the wind gusted around him.

_Those fucking eyes_.

They weren't just green. You didn't need to be standing at close range to see those motherfuckers were as bright as emeralds. With no help from the sun, his eyes sparkled of their own accord. His nose was straight and prominent, his cheekbones chiseled, his lips plush and kissable, and his jaw! _Fuck_. It could have been sculpted by Michelangelo himself. He was fucking perfect in every aspect.

I never wanted to yank my cock so bad. It took nearly all of my restraint not to rip open my shorts and start jerking it in front of my entire family; extended and immediate.

_Who the fuck is this? And please God, tell me we are not related._

He was coming closer now; his large hands enveloped the little girl's as she trudged through the sand. He had his head bent in her direction and his mouth was moving. I glimpsed down at her to see she was smiling. He glanced up, and our eyes connected for a brief moment before he quickly moved his eyes to the sand at his feet, his lips separated minutely taking small breaths of air.

When he was about to pass me, his eyes returned to mine and, fuck me, the expression on his face would have brought me to my knees had I been standing up. His eyes quickly roamed over me, it was so fast I probably wouldn't have noticed had I not been completely entranced by him. A shot of pure heat ran through me as if it was transferred from his eyes to my insides. When he passed I turned around to get a good look at his backside, already knowing that it would be perfect, no doubt making me crave to bury my dick in it, but when I turned around I was met with a pair of knobby knees.

"Hey Peter." I said irritably, not needing to look up to confirm it was him. When my eyes finally flickered to his face I noticed that he had looked behind him to check out the ass that I was supposed to be evaluating. He turned back around with a smirk.

"Well, I gotta say, you do have good taste, bro. If I was gay I would totally hit that. It doesn't take a fag to realize God given beauty, like that." He admitted, as he hitched a finger in the God's direction. It never bothered me when Peter used verbiage like "fag". I knew that he wasn't a homophobe, and that he respected any guy regardless of what they liked to dip their cock in.

Peter moved in between me and Bella. He looked at her and then looked at me expectantly. I raised my brow in question and then I glanced at Bella who was playing the same damn game. _Are you kidding me?_ I played my part.

"Bella, this is Peter. Peter – Bella. You remember each other right?" I said on a sigh, as I waved my finger between the two of them.

Peter spoke first, "Bella, so nice to see you again."

"You, too." She replied with a shy smile. They clutched and pumped each others hand. _Did they actually just shake hands?_ It took everything in me not to laugh out loud at this charade.

They began to have light conversation, but I was distracted, adding monosyllabic answers and nodding when I felt it was called for. I was thinking about bronze hair, emerald eyes and fuckhot body. I had to find out who he was.

If he was a cousin, would it be a first, second, third cousin?_ Aw shit, would it fucking matter?_

Peter wanted to get something to drink, and so did Bella. I still had a massive hard-on, so I told them to go ahead and I would be right with them. Bella looked at me in confusion while Peter gave me a knowing look.

After ten minutes my erection had not subsided. I knew that it was not going away until I manually intervened. Holding my backpack in front of my arousal I went in search of a restroom. It didn't take me long to find one, I ran in, entered a stall and yanked my shorts and boxers down.

I looked down at my engorged cock that was begging for attention. As I brushed the length with my fingertips it jumped repeatedly. My God, I was so fucking sensitive right now that I was ready to explode at just a single touch. I had never been so horny in all my life. I grasped it in my hand and could not stop the moan that escaped my lips.

I started with long, slow strokes, but as I recalled his eyes and hair my hand began moving at a fast and furious pace. I could not stifle the groans and moans, as I visualized his body underneath mine; he was bent over and I was driving into his tight puckered hole while I stroked the back of his hair. "Oh God…ung…fuck." I grasped the wall with my free hand, as I tried to maintain an upright position. My stroking became erratic and choppy, my breathing hard and labored. I looked down at my throbbing cock, but I was envisioning him crouched down, his emerald green eyes looking up at me as he was just about to put his lips around my shaft…"Oh, fucking A…" I groaned as I spewed my release all over the toilet and wall behind it. My eyes squeezed shut as I rode out my orgasm.

I stood there for several moments as I waited for my breathing to even out and my heart beat to return to normal. I didn't remember the last time I jacked off with that level of intensity. I gathered myself and returned to the party.

We had several cabins reserved for our family to stay in. Some of the cabins were larger than others, some had indoor plumbing and some didn't. Usually, the parents and older family members stayed in the larger cabins which had five bedrooms because they were equipped with restrooms and showers. The younger kids got stuck in the one room cabins that had four cots. I assumed that Bella, Peter and I would be staying in one of those.

I walked around the swarm of people until I spotted Peter and Bella sipping iced tea while they made googly eyes at each other. _Fuck! This was going to be a long weekend, having to bunk with these two. _As I made my way over to them my eyes scanned the perimeter looking for my bronze-haired Venus. I was frustrated by not locating him, so when I reached Bella and Peter I was rapidly becoming petulant.

"We got the key to our cabin." Peter sang as he dangled it in front of me.

"Let's go check it out." Bella exclaimed excited about the prospect of sleeping in a cabin for the first time. I couldn't wait to see if she was still excited tomorrow after she woke up from sleeping on a cot that had a plastic mattress about two inches thick.

When we got to the cabin number that was listed on the key I found I was correct in my assumption about having the pleasure of sleeping in one of the small, bare cabins.

We all picked a cot and then we discussed what our possibilities were for the evening. We were in the middle of our discussion when there was a knock at the door. I opened it and found my Aunt Esme standing there with the bronze-haired God.

_If this was Aunt Esme's son it would make him my first cousin. Shit_.

I was pushed out the door when Peter saw who was there. Bella followed so that all of us were now squeezed onto the tiny porch.

"Hi, Jasper and Peter." She acknowledged as she looked at Bella questioningly. I was still in shock and found that I had no voice. All I could do was stare at him as he looked at the ground kicking his foot into the side of the little porch, making us all shake infinitesimally at the impact.

"This is Bella. She is a good friend of Jasper's." Peter informed Aunt Esme, finally realizing that I couldn't form a coherent thought.

"Oh, well I just wanted to introduce you to Edward. I was wondering if maybe he could share a cabin with you kids?" Aunt Esme questioned.

_Edward. Edward. Edward. His name is Edward._

"Hi." Peter and Bella said in unison.

Finally finding my voice I managed to say "Hi." It came out rough, as if I hadn't used my voice in a week. He snapped his head up, and his green eyes met my blue ones. I grabbed on to the railing to keep from falling.

_Fucking gorgeous._

"So, can he stay with you guys?" Aunt Esme asked again.

"Of course, we would love to have him stay with us." Peter answered, too happily. Edward glanced at Peter after he had made that statement and then his eyes came swiftly back to mine.

"Great." Aunt Esme exclaimed, apparently not noticing the tension in the air. She took off leaving Edward with us.

Edward looked back at his shoes not really knowing what to say or do. _Say something stupid ass, he doesn't know any of us._

"So, are you a cousin?" Peter asked winking at me right in front of the guy for Christ sakes.

Edward cleared his throat and mumbled, "Well, no…um…me and my sister are staying with them. They are our foster parents." His voice sounded like pure velvet and very masculine. I shouldn't have been happy by his disclosure because he must have went through some shit if he was in the Foster Care program…but I was. Upon learning his circumstances I realized that there was absolutely no relation between us. I barely contained my excitement, even though I still had no idea if he was gay or not.

"Well, Edward there is a bed in there with your name on it, why don't you drop off your stuff and we can go grab some chow. I am fucking starved." Peter's mood was completely jovial which made Bella equally as jubilant. Peter held out his elbow to Bella and said "Shall we?" She had a big smile on her face as she looped her hand through his arm and they proceeded toward the barbecue.

This left Edward and I trailing behind, walking in awkward silence. We had been walking so close that my hand brushed against his and I heard him gasp. _Or was that me? _

_Goddammit. I couldn't think straight_.

We reached the barbecue where the selection was immense. Everyone ate heartily, but I had barely touched my meal. I was contemplating this sudden shy behavior that I had been displaying toward Edward. This was not usually an issue for me. When I saw something that I wanted, I went for it. I didn't pussy foot around and I definitely didn't close up like I did with him.

Edward sat with us as we ate; cheerfully joining in conversation. I saw every once in a while his eyes would drift to mine, and I would see worry etched in his face. Whenever I found that he did this I quickly took another bite of my food and smiled at something that one of them had said. I didn't know why I felt the need to extinguish his worries, but I didn't like seeing him like that.

After the meal we sat around a camp fire, while family members joined in choruses of "Alice the Camel" and "Funky Chicken" as my Uncle Carlisle played guitar. I was stealing glances at Edward who had moved to sit with Aunt Esme and his sister, Jane. They pulled out s'more ingredients and a bunch of sticks that they had the smaller children search for earlier in the day.

Once the smell of burning marshmallows and chocolate made contact with my nose I realized that I was famished. I grabbed a stick and impaled three marshmallows on it. I moved close to the fire and waited for my marshmallows to become ablaze. I looked up and noticed that Edward had also moved to the other side of the fire and dipped his single marshmallow into the flames. We gazed at each other over the fire. His eyes mesmerized me. They held me captive while he transmitted longing and desire.

I broke free from my trance when I noticed that my shorts were getting tighter, indicating that he had gotten to me again. I was glad it was dark out so nobody could witness my arousal. I sat back down and noticed that Edward had returned to his seat. He stared again, looking deep, for what I didn't know. But whatever it was, I wanted him to have it. Was it compliance? Did he want to see the desire? The desire that I felt was so evident? Did he require proof?

I looked down at my burnt marshmallows and then back at him. I brought the stick to my mouth and stuck out my tongue to test it for hotness. It was still warm, but not hot by any means. I could tell by his eyes and open lips that he had been affected by the action.

I put all three of the marshmallows in my mouth, the stick almost reaching the back of my throat, and slowly slid them off while he watched. I noticed something in my peripheral vision, and I glimpsed to the side to see Bella looking at me with her nose all scrunched up as if she was disgusted. I shrugged and turned my attention back to Edward.

We began watching each other again, as he took the burnt marshmallow off of his stick. He had to pinch it to get it off, so by the time it was free it was a gooey mess. He put the marshmallow in his mouth, along with his two fingers and hollowed his cheeks while he sucked the marshmallow from his fingers.

He removed his fingers only to lick them several times. _Oh, how I wanted to do that_.

I was as hard as a fucking rock now, and I would be damned if I would be taking care of it myself this time. I stood up and gave him a look, and then I moved in the direction of the cabin. I was a couple of feet away from the festivities before I was pulled back. I was getting ready to lay into whoever was holding me back, but I noticed it was Peter. He didn't say anything; he just held the key in front of my face.

When I made it to the cabin I paced around and waited. _Would he come?_ He better. He had worked me up into this frenzy, and I needed some release. It was five long minutes before I heard the squeak of the cabin door. I turned to face the Adonis. He walked in a couple of steps and just stood there.

"Edward…" That was all it took because he was in my arms and his lips were on mine. _Oh my fucking God_. He was delicious. Was there anything about him that wasn't perfect?

Stubble on stubble, our tongues and lips danced together as our hands groped each other's backs and hair. We meshed our bodies so our erections could rub against the others causing the much needed and fucking amazing friction. I wasn't the aggressor for once, as Edward found the hem of my shirt and pulled it swiftly over my head, I followed suit. Our eyes and hands roamed each other's chests. His eyes met mine, and I brought my hands to either side of his face, so I could delve into the sweet recesses of his mouth once again…touching every possible surface.

I pulled away and quickly began to remove the rest of my clothing. Edward had a frightened look on his face. "Edward?" I questioned.

_Please don't back out on me. Please, please, please._

He just stared as I stripped down to my boxers. "Edward, have you ever had sex with a boy before?" I questioned. He shook his head no. _FUCK_! I slowly started to pull my shorts up.

I can wait.

_Wait?_ What? Since when have I ever waited around for a guy? But I knew Edward was going to be different. I barely knew him, but I recognized that I wanted more than just physical intimacy. I wanted all of him.

He came to me quickly, and halted my movements. "No, don't…I…I still want to…I just never have gone this far before." He pleaded. I looked at him skeptically, trying to judge him for compliance or sincerity. I didn't want to fuck him unless he wanted it one hundred and ten percent. I had pride and I wasn't about to take Edward on a ride he wasn't sure about. He had removed his clothing and was standing in nothing but his boxers.

"Please, Jas…" He begged breathlessly. Him calling me Jas was my undoing.

I let go of my shorts and they dropped to the ground, but before I went any further, "Prove it." I demanded as I looked down at his boxers. He took a deep breath, pulled his boxers down and laid on his cot.

_FUCK ME!_

I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my fucking life as Edward lying on the bed buck naked. I had to take this all in, commit it to memory. Not that I needed to, because I planned on seeing Edward like this many, many times.

His long, thick shaft was nestled in bronze colored hair, and lying along his abdomen. His stomach was rising and falling rapidly with each of his breathless pants, his head was on the pillow, and his hair was a complete and beautiful mess. His eyes were half closed and his lips parted. His cheeks were flushed. "Jas…I need you." He beseeched.

I quickly lowered my boxers, moved to the bed and bent over him. Looking down at him as our cocks brushed each other I said, "Edward…you are so fucking beautiful. Do you know how badly I want you?" His hips bucked up, and our dicks collided again. "Hold on there, baby. We have got plenty of time." I said throatily.

"We'll have plenty of time tomorrow, Jas. I just want to feel you inside of me, NOW." He pouted.

I brought my face down and our lips connected. He weaved his hands through my hair as I greedily fed from his delicious nectar. Our bodies began moving together, and I felt the moisture as our dicks produced its natural lubricant. I brought my hand down and wrapped it around his inflamed cock, pumping from base to tip. "Jas…Oh fuck…I'm not going to last…please…"

"Please what, Edward? What do you want?" I asked him, as my lips nipped and sucked on one of his nipples. He raised his hips off the bed and answered, "Make love to me Jas." I halted all actions for a moment registering the effect that his statement had on me. No one had ever asked me to "make love" to them. I was overwhelmed with emotions…emotions that I had long since buried.

I pulled the condom I had in my wallet out and applied it quickly. I moved Edward's legs so they wrapped loosely around me and pulled his hips up as I gently pushed my shaft into his opening. "Fuck…Edward…you're so fucking…Oh, God…tight." I shouted out in pleasure and pain. I was almost all of the way in before my instinct took over, and I pushed in hard the rest of the way.

My chest was expanding and deflating at a hazardous pace, but I stayed still allowing Edward to acclimate to the foreign intrusion. His eyes were pinched shut, his breathing wild and his hands were clenched. After a few moments he visibly relaxed.

He opened his eyes and it was staggering. I saw lust, but I also saw trust and…love. I began moving slow at first but he started thrashing around, making guttural noises and my orgasm was rapidly approaching. I grabbed his cock and stroked it hard and fast to match the new rhythm of my cock. My balls started to tighten and I knew I was on the cusp of the best climax of my life. Both of our eyes were open as we both wanted to share this new experience with each other…him physically, me emotionally.

My eyes started to drift closed without permission, I couldn't hold back anymore. "Ed…Edward…cum...fuck…I'm going to cum." I groaned as my release hit me in wave after wave. Edward was shuddering underneath me from the force of his own orgasm.

I quickly removed, and threw away, the condom. I laid back in his bed, and reached for him immediately. He readily moved into my arms, and burrowed his cheek into my neck.

"Jas…" He whispered, reverently.

"I know Edward, I know." I agreed with his unspoken statement, and that was exactly how we fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning with something tickling my stomach. I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep away to notice my bronze-haired God placing butterfly kisses along my ribcage.

For the first time in years I felt the hope that maybe love still existed in my future. All I knew was that I never wanted to leave this spot.

I noticed that Peter and Bella must have came and went already. I had also noticed that there were still two beds that were never touched. Mine and Peter's.

When we walked outside we spotted Bella and Peter sitting on a bench. Bella was sitting half on top of Peter, and they were kissing gently.

"Well, it looks like someone has the right idea." Edward said saucily, as he gave me a crooked smirk.

I pulled him to me and gave him a kiss of my own. I grabbed his hand to make our way over to the two lovebirds.

I raised Edwards hand to my lips for a light peck. I had a smile on my face when I thought about last night.

_God, I loved burnt marshmallow's. _

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**AN: Thanks for reading my first attempt at slash. I couldn't help myself, Edward and Jasper are just too fucking hot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: As requested I am turning this into a mini-story. It will only last about 5-6 chapters.**

**QueenBeta Cullen818 has super powers.**

**I don't own twilight or any of its characters.**

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**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

He brought my hand to his lips, and left a searing imprint of his mouth on the inside of my hand. I smiled over at him, and gripped his hand tighter. It felt so comfortable being in like this with him.

I didn't want to ever let go.

Which is exactly why I had to.

I had to start distancing myself now. If I let these thoughts continue I would be due for some major heartbreak by the end of this weekend.

"Hey, Jas…" I whispered before we reached the others. "I have to go check on Janie. I think I am going to eat breakfast with her and take her horseback riding."

"Oh. Okay." He looked so forlorn. It was so endearing; it made me want to just hold him forever.

He looked hopeful for a moment. "Can I go horseback riding with you?" He asked. Oh, how I would love to see Jazz straddle a horse, bareback, with me riding in front preferably. _Jeez, I had to get away._ This boy already had my mind spinning with wild tales of happily ever after's, and that shit just wasn't meant for me.

Hopefully, a few hours away from him would give me the much needed time to get my head back in the game. I had plans, and I couldn't let anyone change them, even someone as enticing as Jasper.

"No, but I will meet you right afterward, okay?" I said, lifting my hand automatically to move a stray lock off of his forehead. I didn't remove my hand until after I wisped my fingertips against his cheek.

_Goddammit, why couldn't I stop myself_? I clutched the back of his neck and drew him in for a deep kiss. Abruptly, I pulled away, and turned stiffly, forcing myself to walk away from him quickly.

While I searched for Jane the guilt was starting to seep into my chest. I had left Jane for a whole night yesterday, and my guilt only compounded when I tried to focus on spending time with her today, because my mind continuously drifted back to Jasper.

Thoughts about last night. _Fuckin' A_.

Now in the light of day, I couldn't believe I actually had sex last night. Sex with someone that I had just met. I tried to dismiss the recollections, but they kept returning, flooding my mind with passionate kisses, and the expressions on Jasper's face as he hovered over me, driving into my ass…_oh, god_.

_Different topic...NOW._

I remembered seeing him for the very first time yesterday. I had been in the water, splashing around with Jane. He stumbled into a lawn chair on the beach, and combed through his bag, bringing out a book. He tilted his head back, exposing his pale face and neck in direct contact with the blazing sun. From what I could see clearly he was extremely good looking. His hair was made up of blond spirals that tickled his jaw line. I couldn't see very many details in his face due to the distance, but I willed my eyes away, not needing any meaningless flirtations to ruin the bonding time I had planned for this weekend between me and my sister.

"C'mon Janie, let's go see if Esme has located our cabin yet. We can go check it out."

"Yeah…yeah, yeah!" She had said delightedly as she jogged through the water. She looked so cute with her torso bobbing up and down as she had made her way to the shore.

When we reached the beach I grasped Jane's hand, walking back toward the camp. "Would you like to go horseback riding tomorrow, Janie?" I had asked her. She nodded her head in exaggeration, and smiled up at me.

She looked at me like I was a god…her savior.

_I'd be damned if I let her down._

I glanced up through my lashes as we made our way toward the boy on the beach. He had put on sunglasses, and he was sitting with a chick. _Fuck!_ Oh, well. I can still look, right?

As Jane and I came up next to him I quickly glanced up, and looked into his face. _Holy Hell_. Did I say this guy was just good looking? He was fucking smoking HOT! His goddamn body was beautiful. My glimpse was short lived but I got enough of a look to see that he was damn near perfect.

Those fucking lips! They were lush and inviting. I wanted to feel them over various parts of my body. His hair was a mass of blond curls that I wanted to dig my hands in to see if they were as soft as they appeared.

I had to look away quickly, aware that I was in shorts that were currently molded to my nether regions. I had to rapidly divert my thoughts to something that would halt my growing erection. That was easy, I just thought about Aro and Irina, our last set of foster parents.

Instant dick deflation.

Even after I had confessed that I was gay to Irina she continued to put moves on me. I could have put up with that as long as she was taking care of my sister properly, but once she slapped Jane in the mouth for saying she had brushed her teeth when she hadn't I got us the fuck out of there.

That had been our experience for the last two years. We had been transferred to six different homes, and into some shitty situations. The agency couldn't be too choosy since they were trying as hard as they could to keep us together. They had tried to split us up once. It lasted two weeks before both sets of foster parents couldn't take anymore.

Since then, we had been passed from home to home, from drunks to perverts to homophobes. In the beginning, they all had looked perfectly "normal". Each time I allowed myself to believe that we could finally settle in. I could make friends, maybe even find a boyfriend, but it was all fiction. There was nothing but more disappointment.

We'd been with Carlisle and Esme for about three months and it has been a completely different experience. I had come to realize that no one was normal, but they were the closest people I could find to the meaning of the word, and amazingly enough, they really seemed to genuinely like both of us.

Jane had a wonderful relationship with Esme, and Carlisle was trying to help me pick colleges. When I told them I didn't have plans on going to college he had insisted, and planned to foot the bill. He picked up applications from Ivy League and highly accredited universities, for which I was sure with his reputation he could get me in...even with my subpar GPA, but I had to stay somewhere close, to be near Jane. I would be eighteen in six months and I would be able to take legal guardianship of her, and as soon as I could find a decent job we could finally be on our own.

Carlisle was a doctor, he specialized in surgery, but he worked out of the emergency room, performing his craft on trauma patients. Carlisle was passionate about his job, and it flowed to all of us. In the short time I'd known Carlisle I respected and trusted him. The thought of having a career as satisfying as being a doctor was a dream…an unrealistic dream. I would never be able to afford it, and I would never allow Carlisle to pay for such an extravagant term.

Carlisle and Esme both knew I was gay. I had never had a relationship with a man before. My only indication that I was gay was that I was attracted to men. The closest I ever came to a liaison was a couple of stolen kisses and a hand job from another foster boy.

I had never wanted to give myself to someone as I had to Jasper last night. I honestly had no idea what came over me.

Yesterday, I had felt this acute pressure in my chest when I had first saw him. It felt like I was suffocating. I needed to pull him close, and get away from him at the same time. The feeling was foreign and frightening. When Jane and I arrived back at camp, Jane immediately jumped in Esme's lap, going over the details of our swim. I loved seeing her so comfortable - with someone other than me. It made me felt like I had done something right with her in the last two years.

Esme advised us that Jane would be in a cabin with her and Carlisle, and another couple. She told me that I had some great "cousins" that she was going to introduce me to, and if I wanted to I could stay with them.

_Lovely. _

When we finally got to the cabin I could feel the pressure in my chest building again. What if it was him and the girl? Could I handle watching him kiss some chick…or worse, while I laid in a cot next to them wishing it were me?

When he walked out of the cabin, I felt fate laughing at me again.

_Just my fucking luck_.

I could feel eyes staring a hole in my head, but I wouldn't look up at him. He would see…he would see how badly I wanted him. He would see what he was doing to me. Then him and his girlfriend could have a good laugh at my expense, but when he said "Hi" in that rough fuck-me voice I looked up at him, and I couldn't believe the naked desire I saw in his eyes. I knew that I was mirroring that image. When his cousin Peter spoke up on his behalf I glanced at him so I could regain some of my composure, but too soon my eyes were drawn back to this gorgeous boy, and his deep blue eyes. I had never been so attracted to someone in my life.

After introducing Bella as just a friend of Jasper's my breathing became shallow. Knowing that Jane would be safe and happy with Esme, for the time being, I decided to be selfish and spend some time with this stunning boy.

All throughout dinner I glimpsed at him. He seemed deep in thought. I hope he wasn't unhappy that I crashed his little party. He had that stray lock of hair on his forehead that I just wanted to touch. My heart expanded every time he looked at me, and gave me a small smile. Even the small intimacies threatened my heart to break loose from my chest. I didn't know what was happening to me.

My urge to wrap my arms around him, to take care of him, to kiss his lips and hold him tight was too strong and overwhelming, so as soon as it was prudent I made my fucking escape.

I could explain it away that I was a natural care-giver and protector, born by watching over Jane, but I never felt this way toward anyone besides her, and the thought scared me to death. I mumbled an excuse that I needed to find Jane and then high tailed it out of there. I spent the rest of the evening with Jane, Esme and Carlisle, thinking of Jasper the entire time.

XXXXX

I found Jane animatedly talking to Carlisle about her new friend, Josie that she met while painting in the children's area. She was giggling, and it brought an instant smile to my face.

Thank god, it appeared that she hadn't been scarred from our past. She seemed as happy and carefree as any other kid her age should.

She was too young to know what happened to our parents and thankfully, she had never asked. I knew one day she would and I would be honest with her. I wasn't going to think about it until then. Jane saw me and ran up to me, throwing her arms around my neck. I picked her up and squeezed her little body tight to my chest. Kissing her on the cheek, I set her down.

"Hey sugar, you ready to do some horseback riding?" Her eyes lit up like Christmas morning.

"Finish your breakfast first." Esme cut in, and then added, "Edward…please eat."

I grabbed some food from the buffet, and winced when I sat down next to Janie. The condom that Jasper had with him last night didn't have nearly enough lube on it, and my ass hurt like hell.

Horseback riding was going to be a blast.

My soreness brought back the memory of the loss of my virginity. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the event.

I had tried to stay away from him after our brief encounter at the barbeque. I returned to the family, but found that I was on edge, as if I had forgotten something and was struggling to recover whatever it was. When I saw him sitting across from me at the campfire, the pressure returned to my chest tenfold. He sat away from me, but watched me the entire time. I knew I couldn't stay away from him. There was this pull, some type of electricity floating between us.

We had flirted wordlessly over the flames…relaying to each other through actions that we wanted each other. After he gave me an intense look I knew it was time for me to make a decision. He had headed off back to the cabin, I was certain, and I could either follow him, and have an amazing night that I would remember forever, or I could have stayed there as I ought to.

I sat there for several minutes debating both sides in my head; one side telling me that it was just one night, and the other side telling me that I was setting myself for some massive hurt. In the end of my internal battle I realized that I could not deny myself the experience.

_What were the chances of me finding someone like him again?_ I had been openly gay for over three years now. I had never found this draw to anyone else - ever. It was amazing, and it was fucking mutual, so what choice did I ever have?

I had risen up slowly, and made my way to the cabin with shallow breathing, shaking hands and quivering thighs. When I walked into the cabin Jasper was pacing the floor, his hands in those blond strands. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, so I stood there.

When he said my name on a whisper, full of wonder and promise I melted, and in a frenzy I captured him in a scorching kiss. His lips were soft, as I stroked his pliant tongue with mine. He tasted like bubble gum and cotton candy. The taste was addictive, my tongue lapping at his flavor, never wanting the connection to end. Too soon, we needed to breathe, so not quite being able to pull away, I attacked his lips with a series of open-mouthed kisses.

I sinuously rubbed myself up against him, and I was pretty sure that I could have came like that. I was also pretty sure that it would have been the best orgasm of my life, but somehow I knew that Jasper wanted more, and I wanted to please him.

My body was telling me that it desired more too, but I didn't know what. I went for his shirt thinking that maybe I would get some relief from some skin on skin contact. He copied me, pulling my t-shirt over my head. We stared at each other for a moment before our lips met in another fiery kiss. My hands and fingertips endeavored to leave no space on his torso untouched.

But it did nothing to assuage the flames licking at my belly. These unexplained feelings were strange to me. I wasn't used to wanting a release this bad, and being detained from achieving it. If I were alone I would've already been asleep on the cot, completely satiated. The feeling was tormenting and wonderful.

Jasper had pulled away and started to remove his clothing. I knew then what was going to be expected of me. This wasn't going to be half-assed…he wanted it all. I didn't know how to go about this. Was he expecting me to fuck him or was he planning on doing the fucking? Should I already know? Should I be able to sense it?

_Which would I prefer?_ I decided that I would rather be fucked. The only porn I previously had access to was hetero, which wasn't going to help me here.

Jasper sensed something in me because he had stopped getting undressed, and then asked me if I had sex with a boy before.

I felt like screaming. When the fuck did I have an opportunity? I was busy trying to make sure my baby sister didn't suffer serious trauma from everything that had happened in her short little life. That was a full time job. For Christ sake, I felt like railing at him. I didn't grow up in a fucking mansion, having every convenience at my fucking fingertips. Jasper never had to worry on a daily basis about what kind of home he was going to end up in next or if he would be separated from the only person that had meant anything to him, the only person he had left. Jasper worried about if he was wearing the latest fashions or where he was going to find his next lay.

I seriously wanted to hit him right now for something that was absolutely NOT his fault.

But my anger completely vanished as soon as I saw him starting to pull back up his shorts. He was willing to stop when it was clear from his tented boxers that he was just as aroused as I was. He didn't even look mad. I knew I had surely disappointed him…but he cared. In this short time he cared about me.

That is when I made the decision that nothing was going to stop me from experiencing this with him. I stopped him, and told him that I wanted to do this with him. Of course, he looked skeptical, and I didn't expect anything less. When he told me to prove it, he was looking for complete and utter surrender.

As I lay on the bed, nude, I waited and waited…and fucking waited. He was staring at me, unmoving. I started to feel like I had been put under a microscope. Insecurities and embarrassment started welling up in my chest. Was I not good enough? I couldn't stand the thought that he would change his mind. I begged him to come to me, telling him I needed him.

When Jasper first entered me it felt like he was splitting me in two. I was sure that I had to be bleeding. I wondered if I would need stitches to repair the damage that I was certain was there. Would I need to go to the emergency room? But then as I contemplated my situation the warm feeling returned through the haze of pain. The heat building in my belly had returned as he squirmed minutely.

Pain slowly faded to pleasure. The pain remained the entire experience, but watching Jasper above me…the signs of euphoria on his face, his eyes half closed and looking at me like I have never been looked at before made my stomach twist with desire.

Amazingly enough I was still hard, and then it throbbed as Jasper stroked me closer to a climax. We came together, and it was life altering. I watched him reach his peak because I had to see if he felt the same way that I did. By his expressions, which I knew were similar to my own, led me to believe that he did. He had done this before, and I was a virgin…yet, he gave the impression that this was his first time too. He looked like he was in awe. The passion that filled his eyes was overwhelming me. Thankfully, he got up to throw the condom away so I could quickly wipe away the one tear that had fallen from my eye.

"Are you ready? Edward…" I woke up from my daydream to find Jane waving her hand in front of my face, and Esme looking at with me concern.

"Did you kids stay up all night? Did you get any sleep at all?" Carlisle asked.

"No, we didn't stay up all night." I whispered, and the regret hit instantly. The regret that we did in fact sleep. We should've stayed awake all night. We should have spent the whole night making love. I wanted to have more to remember when I went back to my cold bed.

I still had tonight, if I wanted…if I gave into my yearning, and allowed myself this.

XXXXX

Horseback riding wasn't horrible.

Because I had Jane on my steed, we barely crawled through the trails. Jane spent the entire time hanging onto the reins, full of the belief that she was actually controlling the horse herself. She didn't realize that this old horse had probably been through this trail hundreds of times. We could have pulled the reins any which way, blindfolded it, and us, and we still would have made it back to camp unscathed. It didn't matter what we did to it, this horse would not be deterred from following the ass of the horse in front of us.

While Jane focused wholly on making sure that we did not veer off course my thoughts drifted time and time again to Jasper. I knew the best thing would be to stay away from Jasper today. Start distancing myself now, but my whole body shuddered at the thought of having Jasper so close and not being able to be with him – touch him.

By the end of the trail I had resigned myself that I would have no choice but to spend the rest of the weekend with Jasper. I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I had a feeling this was going to be one of the best and worst weekends of my life, but once the decision had been made I found myself anxious to get back to him.

_Where was he? What was he doing right now? Did he miss me too?_

When I unloaded Jane on Esme I told her that I would see her for dinner.

"Is that okay?" I had to ask her.

"I have lots to do today." Jane said matter-of-factly. "Me and Carlisle are making kites today and then we are going to go fly them."

Tears formed in my eyes. I wasn't sad that she didn't ask me to come along, and I wasn't jealous, I was just so fucking happy that I didn't have to worry about her. I knew she would be content without my company.

"Then we have to go find more sticks for the marshmallows tonight."

_Marshmallows..._

I gave Jane a quick kiss on the forehead, and took off in a run to find Jasper.

When I found him he was crouched in a hammock with his hands crossed over his chest. His eyes revealed that he was in a different world. I would've given the last dollar in my wallet to know what he was thinking at that moment.

I stood in front of him before he realized that I was there. His eyes eventually centered on me, and I saw the dark brooding replaced by a flicker of uncertainty.

_Did he regret last night?_ No, I couldn't believe that was true.

I was fucking there.

He scrambled up, and scanned over me briefly before his eyes averted to his feet. "Did you have fun?" He asked quietly.

I nodded slowly, trying to figure out what kind of mood he was in. "What have you been up to since I left?" I asked warily. I am worried that he didn't want me here.

Did I overstay my welcome? Did he get what he wanted? Again, my memories led me back to when I left him this morning. I honestly felt that he had genuinely wanted me to stay with him, or me to take him with me.

"Nothing really." The silence became awkward. Just as I was about to call him out on his attitude, a happy Bella and Peter rounded the corner. Peter literally ran up to me and slapped me on the back. "Man, thank fucking god that you are back. Maybe we can get Jasper, here, to start talking again."

Jasper gave him a warning look, but Peter continued. "We had to leave; we couldn't take anymore of his pouting after you left." My eyes shot to Jasper who was inspecting his fingernails intently.

_He missed me._

"Is that right?" I said seductively, looking at Jasper. "Well, I'll make sure I put every effort into putting a smile on his face again." Jasper's eyes snapped to mine, and he looked…hopeful.

"And I know just how I want to start." I grabbed him at the elbows, and pulled him into a hot kiss. His mouth opened instantly under mine, and his hands immediately dove into my hair, pulling tightly at the ends over and over before fisting it. He tilted my head to the side so his tongue could delve in deeper. The kiss was passionate and full of need.

"Enough, guys. Gross." Peter said disgustedly.

Jasper lifted his lips off of mine a fraction and said, "fuck off" before he plundered back in, but too soon, he slowly pulled away, staring into my eyes.

Finally, after a few seconds he looked toward Peter. "Don't you guys have somewhere else to be?" Jasper asked them without any guile.

Peter, not so easily offended, stepped in between Jasper and I, and put an arm around each of our shoulders. "Naw, man, I think I wanna hang out with you guys." He said teasingly. His gaze flickered to Bella, and he winked.

I decided to take part in his antics. "Well, if you insist." I ran my hand up Peter's chest suggestively.

He shivered before he pulled himself away. "Totally uncalled for dude." Peter exclaimed, wiping his hands over his chest. The rest of us just laughed at him.

"We were going canoeing. Did you guys wanna come?" Bella asked.

I really wanted to spend some time with Jasper alone, but before I could show my preference he agreed to go with them. He clasped onto my hand possessively, and we all made our way down to the river. Peter and Jasper managed the pursuit of getting us fully equipped since they had to show some sort of identification to obtain the canoe, paddles and lifejackets.

Jasper and I were in one canoe, and Peter and Bella in another. The landscape was amazing. Thousands of various types of trees lay nestled on miles and miles of terrain. We waded our way down the river until we came to a fork in our path.

"Have fun buddy." Peter said, and then turned to me and winked. "Later luvahs." Then he led Bella and him in the opposite direction.

"You know where we are going Jas?" I asked.

"Yep." Was all he said.

It was about twenty more minutes before Jasper led our canoe into a tiny bay. It was amazing. The alcove was surrounded by plush, green scenery with a waterfall. We made our way to land and tied the boat down.

"Y'wanna go for a swim?" He didn't wait for my assent before he started discarding his clothing. So without answering I began removing my own clothes.

Jasper quickly dove in, and I followed. The water was comfortably warm. We swam around for several minutes before I started floating, letting the sun beat down on my face and chest. I felt so at peace, and at the moment extremely tired. Just as I felt I was drifting to sleep I felt something grab my leg.

I jumped, and tried to pull away from the strong grasp around my ankle. I waited a moment for the sun spots to fade from my vision, or lack thereof, and then I glared at Jasper while I tried to remove myself from his imprisonment.

His smile was as bright as the sun. as he began to run his fingernails lightly over the underside of my foot. I knew, as a child that I was very ticklish. I hadn't been tickled in a long while, and I found that I was just as sensitive, if not more. I laughed as I tried to kick my foot into his chest to make him stop.

He stopped alright.

"Dude, did you just, like, giggle-snort?" He said chuckling.

"No!" I exclaim heatedly, but I ducked my head in embarrassment because I actually had.

"I think you did." He came closer and lifted my chin with his finger. "And it was the fucking sexiest thing I have ever heard." He drew me too him, and our wet lips met in a kiss that started out soft and quickly became demanding. My hands ran over his wet muscles, our naked cocks thrust into one another's. Not slowing down, we went on for minutes, and I was getting close to my release when he pulled away. I groaned in frustration, and he chuckled at me.

"I want to show you something darlin'." He took off swimming, and I followed. He led me to the base of the small waterfall. He waited until I caught up with him and then he grabbed my hand. The water came up to our necks at this point, and he had to yell for me to hear him with the water coming down next to us. "Follow me." Together we made our way blind through the downpour, so that now, we were underneath it. He found a little cove in the cliff. He climbed up onto it, and then helped me.

I looked around in shock. We were completely hidden in a small cave, with water crashing down all round us. It was fucking amazing.

"Jas, how did you find this place?"

"I don't know, just me and Peter goofing off...trying to get away from everyone. It's our secret – no one from the family would ever come out this far, so we could always come out here with some alcohol that we stole or to smoke a joint that one of us had brought along with us."

I had never smoked weed before, and I felt courageous. Today I would allow myself to be my age. I wanted to be seventeen today. "Do…do you have one of those now?"

"Naw, I only light up occasionally at a party or something." His eyes turned light and playful. "Why? You wanna get high darlin'?" He chuckled. "Now that is something I wouldn't mind seeing one of these days."

That wiped the smile off of my face. He was talking about the future, something him and I didn't have together.

All we had was this.

We lay next to each other on the rocks, completely nude and uncaring. How could I become so comfortable with him in such a short time? My hand reached out and stroked his hip, and then watched as his breath hitched and he shut his eyes. When he opened them they were hot. I slowly lifted my head and brushed my lips against his.

I pulled an inch from his face and whispered his name, for what I wasn't sure. I just wanted everything and anything he was willing to give me at this moment. His hand came up to caress my cheek roughly, his thumb sweeping over my bottom lip. The passion was building in him, and I couldn't handle the impact it was having on me and my body. I was so confused; this was so new to me.

Has _he_ ever had these feelings before? I was jealous at the thought instantly. The thought of him feeling the way I felt right now with someone else could drive me to lunacy if I let it. I moved my hand from his hip, and gripped his wet hair tightly. I took his bottom lip in between my teeth and bit down - hard.

_He was mine! _

My tongue came out to lick his bottom lip, and I could taste the blood there. Jasper didn't seem to mind. He climbed on top of me, straddling me. He took my face in his hands and bent his head to give me another amazing kiss. His tongue traveled the length of my jaw and he gently bit down on my shoulder, but that just wasn't fucking good enough. "Harder…bite harder." I said roughly. I wanted the mark to last. I wanted to look at it every goddamn day. I wanted to run my fingers over it while I remembered this very moment. He bit down a little harder. "Goddammit Jas, harder." That's all it took for him to sink his teeth into me. I let out a yelp as the burning pain took hold.

He pulled up immediately. "I'm so, so sorry." His eyes were full of alarm, his lip was red and swollen, his cheeks were tinted pink. He was so fucking adorable – so I told him.

"You are so adorable." I laughed when his cheeks turned redder, which was a mistake because it brought forth another snort. I immediately ceased my laughing, waiting to get harassed about it.

He let out a bark of laughter. "What? My blushing isn't so fucking funny anymore?" He teased. "Why darlin'? It isn't because of this, is it?" He grabbed my sides and started tickling me. I tried to squirm away as I howled with laughter.

"Stop!" I roared in between snorts. He thought it was hilarious. He eventually rolled away from me when he was struggling too hard with his own laughter. He curled up into a fetal position as he circled his arms over his stomach.

I tried to act irritated but he was just too damn cute. I crawled on top of him, and removed his hands from his stomach, pinning them to both sides of his head. I rolled my hips on his, and his laughter subsided quickly. I bent down to take one of his nipples into my mouth, and then the other one. I looked up through my lashes at him to see him straining his neck to observe me. As I slowly made my way down his stomach I watched him watch me. I had to let go of his wrists so I could go further. I reached his belly button and I stuck out my tongue to lick it.

Jasper's head fell back when I continued down the trail of hair that led a path to where I wanted to be. I stared down at the appendage with anticipation and fear. I have never done this, and I have never had it done to me, but this weekend was all about firsts. I was definitely scared I would do something wrong. I didn't know what to do to make him feel good. His cock was as hard as the surface we were laying on, it throbbed with need as I watched the pearly fluid leak from the tip. I guess I could start by licking that – and so I did.

The moan he emitted vibrated underneath the hand that I had lying along his stomach. I clenched my fist in response, and I became emboldened. I lifted myself over him and ran my tongue up his length, from base to head, and he rewarded me with a heartfelt groan. I became slightly more confident, and made my way down by laving my tongue along the silky surface, stroking and massaging with my tongue and lips. His hips bucked up into my face and I heard him mumble something. I took his head into my mouth, and sucked hard before I stuffed as much of him as I could in my mouth.

"Edward." He whispered on a ragged breath. His fingers tangled themselves in my hair. I looked up at him as I sucked his cock. He was looking at me too, and he took the words right out of my mouth. "So fucking beautiful."

His head fell back and his torso lifted. I couldn't believe that I was doing this to him…that I was making him feel like this. I bobbed my head up and down on his shaft taking as much of him in as I could. His head was getting bigger and bigger, so I clutched the base of his shaft and stroked it up and down as I focused my attention on his head. I wasn't sure if he was going to like that, but his hands tightened in my hair and he moaned loudly, confirming that he was okay with my methods of getting him off.

I could see the tendons straining in his neck. "Please…uh, fuck…darlin'…if you don't move…ung…you're gonna swallow." I held my ground; I was determined to taste him. His body stiffened and he emitted a loud groan, I took him as far back into my mouth as I could just before spurts of cum shot down my throat. I couldn't say that it tasted _delicious_, but it wasn't _bad_ either.

How could it be bad? It was Jasper.

He pulled me up his body quickly, gazed into my eyes with amazement before his lips crashed into mine. I clutched at his back, and unconsciously pressed my erection into his thigh.

He pulled away and I saw playfulness there in his face. "Don't worry, it's your turn." He chuckled as he pushed me onto my back.

I wanted to be coy, but fuck did I need it. As his lips licked and sucked my nipples I not-so-casually put my hands on the top of his head and pushed his head down, as I pressed my dick into his ribcage. There was no doubt what I was implying, and Jasper knew it too as he snickered while placing feather light kisses down my stomach.

My dick had never been encased in anything but a hand, and I wanted to feel my cock in his wet, hot, sexy mouth – I also wanted to see it.

"You're kinda eager for something, Edward. What would that be?" He didn't wait for me to answer, but instead took my cock in his hand and held it vertical, rubbing it against his cheek, while he gazed at me with lust filled eyes. I couldn't speak because he ran his nose up and down my length.

His velvety tongue made a trail of saliva from the head of my dick to my balls. My back lifted at the exquisite pleasure of his tongue and lips on my sac. He sucked one of my balls into his mouth while he stroked my cock in a hypnotizing rhythm.

"C'mon Jas…please…I am going to cum before you put it in your mouth." I let out a frustrated growl when he moaned with my nut still rolling around on his tongue. He finally released my ball and worked his way up my shaft. He licked around my head before he enveloped my dick in his magnificent mouth. He swirled his tongue as he bobbed his head up and down my cock. He took me deep, I felt the back of his throat and I knew it was just a matter of a few strokes before I came.

_Fucking incredible! _

I couldn't control my body's movements as I writhed underneath him, my stomach shaking, my thighs quivering. I knew there was nothing I could do; there was no way to detain my impending release. I tried to tell him that it was time, my mouth opened but nothing came out.

Seeing Jasper's blond curls bouncing up and down over my cock left me speechless. Speaking was just not in the realm of possibilities.

I had never felt an orgasm like this one before. Compared to yesterday's, where it was no doubt the best release I ever had, it had still been tinged with pain. This one was ecstasy, no pain – just mind-blowing rapture.

Once I came down from my climax I found Jasper watching me. "You're perfect." He stated simply, as he placed a loving kiss on my stomach before he slid up me, and pulled me into a hug. It felt so good to be held in his arms. We stayed like that for a few moments before I laid my head down on his chest. It took only minutes to feel myself nodding off. I could tell by Jaspers breathing that he was already asleep.

There was no fucking way I wanted to sleep.

That climax about did me in, but I couldn't waste any more time napping. I rolled us over two times before we landed back in the pool of water that was still under the waterfall. Since Jasper was not conscious he didn't have proper footing, so when we fell into the water he fell under. He came up sputtering and coughing, obviously inhaling some water. He looked at me angrily. "What the hell was that for?"

I wrapped my legs and arms around him. "I don't want to sleep." I said into his ear. I didn't want to look at him because I was afraid he would see the sadness in my eyes.

_Where do we go from here?_

That wasn't the right question.

The only available option I had was to cherish every moment I have with him for today, and then tomorrow I would have to completely start to separate from him.

Upon that thought I grabbed his hair and kissed him harshly. He returned the kiss, but he tried to soften it as he languidly explored my mouth, ghosting his fingertips over my jawbone.

He looked at me, and smiled almost reverently.

No, the real burning fucking question was: What was the price I would pay for this weekend dalliance? And how much was I going to be made to suffer for it?

_Tomorrow was going to be hell._

* * *

**AN: ****I would really appreciate a review to let me know what you thought of the chapter. Thanks, Deb**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: While reading this fic, to catch up to where I left off I found many, many things I would have liked to change in the first two chapters, including the tense (I hate writing in past tense), but I decided not to make any alterations because it was my very first time writing slash. **

**In my estimation, this fic should only be about 5 more chapters, unless I decide to add something else.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. This story is intended for mature audiences only.**

**Cullen818 is the best. Thanks for reading and loving my slash.**

**Caution: Extreme Emoward ahead.**

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**Chapter 3 – (EPOV)**

I woke up with a killer headache. My head pounded ceaselessly, I felt nauseous and every bone in my body ached. It wasn't because Jasper and I had pillaged booze from the adults and I had a nasty hangover, it also wasn't because Jasper and I had mind-blowing sex all night.

My migraine had nothing to do those things, and everything to do with simply just thinking about what I had to do today. My body was rejecting my plans in every possible way.

I had been holding onto Jasper for the last twenty minutes trying to figure out how I was going to escape him today.

Physically and mentally.

He had captured me, and I didn't want him to let me go. I knew he wasn't just another person that I would leave behind. Without wanting him to, in such a short time, he had come to mean a great deal to me.

I had to remain optimistic that even though the thought of never seeing him again was devastating to me now, I would eventually move on.

I always had. I was strong like that…I had to be.

But that didn't mean I would forget.

Jasper turned around in my arms, so that I was no longer spooning him. He slung his arm over my stomach and laid his head on my chest, his untamed blond spirals tickled my shoulder and collarbone. He fell back into slumber with a contented sigh, and a quick peck on the skin that lay just over my heart. It twisted my gut at how right this felt.

My arms quickly wrapped around Jasper in our new position, and I held him to me a little too closely, and a little too tightly, as memories of yesterday assailed my mind.

XXXXX

After we had arrived back from our little canoeing expedition, we hung around for most of the afternoon finding various secluded places where we could talk, and snog.

Not that it really mattered to either of us where we were.

Jasper seemed to be very open about his orientation. He had no problem holding my hand, as we walked through the throng of relatives, or putting his arms around me as we stood in line for the buffet, but we kept it to simple touches around the others for the sake of his parents, Carlisle and Esme. Even though they hadn't asked anything of us or requested a certain behavior, Jasper loved his parents, as much as possible for a teenager, I supposed, and I, so far, held Carlisle and Esme in deep regard, so even remotely disrespecting them, especially in front of their family, wasn't an option.

We received a variety of responses to our open displays of affection. People watched us with mixtures of disgust, and scorn, but there were others that looked at us with admiration and happiness.

In any case, Jasper minded little to what other people thought, and neither did I.

I caught Carlisle and Esme watching us when Jasper I were having another "staring moment". Yeah, we had these often throughout the day. We just gazed at each other without speaking.

I had been leaning against a tree at the time, and Jasper was standing about a foot away from me, one of my hands being gripped loosely by his fingertips. We stared into each others' eyes while different emotions flitted over our faces, wordlessly transmitting unspoken thoughts to each other. I had glanced over to find Carlisle and Esme watching us, their heads were bent close together in conversation, and their expressions indiscernible. My eyes flickered away from them and back to Jasper, unconcerned. Being gay wasn't something I was going to feel bad for, and since I wasn't publicly molesting Jasper in front of his relatives there was absolutely nothing for me to feel repentant about.

Whatever they were discussing didn't affect me. No one was going to ruin my happiness today. My life had been such an utter disappointment up until now, I only had so much joy in my life, and I wouldn't begrudge myself a day to bask in the glory that was Jasper Whitlock, knowing that tomorrow I would again be held accountable for my responsibilities.

Jasper and I found quiet places to talk on the beach, and in the dense forest surrounding each side of the camp. Our talks had no limits; no subject was left untouched, as we thirsted to learn everything about each other. In these conversations I found that Jasper and I not only had a magnitude of stuff in common, but that in each passing moment, and in every innocent conversation, I was falling deeper for him.

The way that he talked, the way he smiled and laughed, the way his eyes shone when he looked at me, the way he always found an excuse to touch me, made my heart swell.

I knew I would be leaving a part of me behind here, and I would always have a special place in my heart for this campsite.

I learned that Jasper only lived two and a half hours away, and that he would be attending Northwestern in the fall, which happened to be one of the schools that Carlisle had suggested for me. So, invariably the theme of our conversations would turn to him and me taking turns going back and forth to each other's house until we could find housing together.

He constantly brought up how cool it was going to be living together, and how much fun we were going to have, and I had no doubt that he would have been correct in his assumptions, if that were actually going to happen.

Damn. The very idea of going to school with Jasper…living with Jasper…sleeping in the same bed with Jasper every single night sent pleasure-riddled shivers down my spine.

I attempted to evade topics that led to such illusions, but time and time again Jasper would bring up a fairy tale future, where he and I had a chance to ride off into the sunset together. Each fleeting comment made me cringe with fear and anxiety of the dreaded discussion, where I would tell him that we did not have a future together.

If I was any kind of man at all, I would have stopped him right then and there, and explained my predicament. If he became adamant that things could work…if he put up any type of argument…I would have been steadfast and resolute.

But I wasn't a man.

I was a wimp…and I was a greedy prick. It didn't matter what would happen tomorrow, how Jasper would feel…

I wanted what I wanted.

Simple, right? Hardly. The war between right and wrong was raging, but my conscious always fell short in each battle, giving way to a selfishness I had never known existed in me.

Jasper was my golden devil. I felt like he brought out the worst in me. He made me forget about simple human courtesies, like compassion and remorse. I had also never felt like my responsibility to Jane was a burden, but he was making me question that too.

But…goddamn him…I could _not_ walk away. So when the future was broached, I bit my tongue, swallowed back all my retorts, and gave a perfunctory smile and nod before veering off topic once again.

At the campfire last night, they continued the Cullen/Hale ritual of roasting marshmallows, with the option of eating them right off of the stick, or the epically disgusting tradition of smushing them between two graham crackers and a Hershey bar.

We fed each other our burnt marshmallows. Both of us attempting to outdo one another in eating the sticky mess seductively, attempting to turn the other one on. Instead, we would both end up laughing at each other. After a sickening bloated feeling, we both conceded victory to each other and made our way back to the cabin, stopping only to grope, fondle, kiss and lick. We were almost to the cabin before we were stopped by Carlisle.

"Edward, can I speak with you for just a moment?"

I grudgingly pulled away from Jasper. "I'll meet you there." I said with a wink.

He smiled shyly back. My stomach coiled.

_What the hell does he do to me?_

I turned back to Carlisle. "What's up?" I asked casually. He seemed nervous about something.

"Edward, I know that you and Jasper like each other, and I just want to make sure that umm…well if you plan on…umm…yeah…that you have this." He thrust a little brown paper bag into my hand, with a slight blush covering his face.

I looked down into the sack to see a small bottle and some condoms. Oh, holy fuck.

This was awkward.

Carlisle turned serious. "We care about you Edward and we just want you to be safe. I am happy that you and Jasper are getting along. He doesn't live that far away y'know?"

"Yeah…that is what I hear…umm…thanks Carlisle. I appreciate this." And I did. I didn't think anyone had ever done something for me that they didn't ultimately gain from themselves.

Carlisle slapped me on the back, and walked away without another word, probably happy that conversation had been dealt with. I could take some serious lessons from a man like him.

I had walked to the cabin slowly, thinking about Carlisle and Esme. They were really starting to care about Jane and me. I mean, I think they had cared for us since we had been with them, but it seemed like they were starting to get attached. I was hoping that maybe Jane and I could stay in contact with them after we left.

When I had sauntered into the dismal cabin my eyes lit upon a bit of sunshine. Jasper was lying on the cot in just his boxers, his arms were folded underneath his head, and my eyes were drawn to the small tuft of coarse blond hair underneath his arms. I had an urge to lick it.

Was that weird?

With a mental shrug, I threw the contents of what was in my hand on the bed, and stripped to my underwear. I hadn't hesitated on climbing on top of Jasper, smirking.

He perused the goodies I had lobbed at him. He looked properly appalled, as he examined the commodities. "Is this why Carlisle stopped you?" He asked with wide eyes. I nodded in response.

He threw back his head and laughed. "Oh man, that must have been one helluva conversation." He hooted with laughter, and I joined him, finding the humor in it myself.

His hand was lying up over his head, so I bent down and gave into my earlier desire and licked the inside of his armpit. The laughter died in his throat and I heard him gasp. He hadn't immediately shut me down, so I tried it again this time going a little deeper.

We had gone swimming earlier, so there was no trace of deodorant, just pure Jasper when I licked again. He hissed, and his breathing seemed shallow. "Edw…what're you doin'?" He panted.

"Do you like that baby?" I asked, truly curious.

He flipped me over, so I was beneath him. The hilarity of the previous topic was long gone from his expression, and had been replaced by a thick fog of lust and another unnamed emotion I didn't bother trying to identify.

Ignorance is bliss, but I wasn't known for being naïve, so I just chose to overlook whatever he was trying to simulate through eye contact. Focusing solely on the lust, I roamed my hands up his torso reveling in his soft silky skin and scent. His midnight blue eyes prodded mine, as he slowly bent his head and took a languid stroke from the top of my pit to the bottom.

I groaned at just the pure forbiddance of it. The inhibited area was sensitive to his velvet tongued strokes. He took my response as a sign of pleasure, and dipped back in, but in Jasper fashion, he took it one step further. He flicked the center with his tongue in a rapid motion over and over, and the feeling was sublime. When he nipped the skin on the inside of my bicep my body jumped with the unanticipated primal action.

He lifted his head with a chuckle, but his expression changed to annoyance, as he shimmied over me, trying to find a comfortable spot on the poor excuse of a mattress.

"It will be so nice when my knees aren't smashed into wood when we are making out. I can't wait until I have you in my big 'ol bed at home." Even though I knew it was an impossible occurrence, the thought of Jasper and I in a huge comfortable bed, made me moan loudly. He grinned devilishly, and bent his head to capture my lips with his own.

Jasper clasped the underside of my chin in his hand, as his tongue lazily explored the interior of my mouth. After a breathless moment, he lifted his head a fraction, and with a look of confused astonishment he whispered, "Edward…I…" He looked almost…lost, he shook his head, and then his lips crashed back down on mine as he plundered my mouth for treasures he apparently thought were hidden there. His tongue begged to go deeper and deeper, my arms squeezed around him tightly matching his desperate actions.

His lips left mine, and trailed down my jaw, just below my ear. "Edward", he whispered simply in my ear before he continued a frenetic path down my neck. When he got to the fresh bite mark on my shoulder his lips softened, and he placed a chaste kiss on it before he licked the length of it. It was still sore, and I hoped it would be for a while.

My hands found their way into his curly tresses, while he took turns with my nipples, suckling, plucking and nibbling. His hands roamed the back of my thigh, starting at the knee and sliding up toward my boxers. His fingertips found their way underneath the fabric, squeezing the globed flesh tenderly.

He lifted his gaze to me, hazy with rampant desire. "Baby…are you sore from yesterday?"

Fuck! It didn't matter. Tonight I would get to love him.

"It's not so bad," I managed to spit out.

As if testing the waters, he dipped his finger into my ass crack and pressed on my anus. "Fuck," I hissed unintentionally.

Okay, so it was bad.

His face fell into my stomach, and he growled. Thinking he was upset that he couldn't fuck me, I immediately tried to placate him. "Really, we can still do it. I'm okay."

Jasper lifted his head, and I was shocked to see his moist eyes. He slams his fist into the "mattress", and I hear the thump of his knuckles hitting wood. "Goddammit. No you're not Edward." He made his way back up my body, so that our eyes were level. He laid his palm against my cheek. "I am so fucking sorry darlin'. I should have taken more care of you yesterday. This is all my fault." He lowered his forehead to mine, anguish written all over his features. "I am so sorry I hurt you. I will never, ever hurt you again."

I could have cried right there…wept like a fucking baby.

"It's okay Jas." My voice shook with emotion.

"It's not fucking okay, Edward." He said angrily, but I knew he wasn't mad at me, he was angry with himself. After several minutes of staying stationary his harsh breathing mellowed into a steady rhythm.

When his eyes met mine they had softened considerably, and in fact, they had a gleam to them. What was he up to? He picked up the lube, courtesy of Carlisle, and feigned extreme interest in the label. "Do you…umm…want to…umm…do it to me?"

_Huh?_

"What?" I hissed, and watched as Jasper turned cherry red under my scrutiny. _Is this guy for real?_

"Jas?" I questioned. I knew from our conversations that Jasper was a firm top. The fact that he was willing to bottom for me was amazing, and fuck, did I want to, but I knew that even though I was pretending everything was hunky dory today, there is no way I could leave Jasper tomorrow after doing something so significant with him. He would never trust another guy.

The thought of Jasper's next boyfriend brought a hollow feeling to my chest.

"Do you?" He asked shyly. I, ineffectively, tried to block the visions, so thoughts of making love to Jasper filled my mind, making my eyes pinch shut and a surge of heat run through me like a tidal wave. Fuck yeah, I wanted to fuck his brains out, I wanted to drive my cock into his sweet ass until I forgot everything but me and him, but we didn't always get everything we wanted, and I had stolen enough from him already.

"Jasper." I rolled over, taking him with me, so that I was hovering over him, and he looked a little frightened. It made me want to smile. Almost.

I cupped his cheeks. "Jasper, I would love to make love to you…but not yet." I hated to lie, but this wasn't the time for _that_ conversation.

I could only hope that when I did fuck someone that they would mean as much to me as this boy underneath me did. I kissed him soundly, making sure that my tongue touched every recess in his mouth. I never wanted to forget what he tasted like. I pulled my head up, and stared into his face, unbeknownst to him, since his eyes remained shut.

_Stunning_. _Fucking exquisite_.

I bent my head again and whispered against his lips, "Jas, gorgeous, beautiful, Jas, I want to taste you again…is that okay?"

He answered by moaning into my kiss.

My tongue made a slow journey down his torso, making several pit stops along the way before I reached the results of my languorous adoration of his body. Jasper was rock fucking hard and throbbing. I grabbed him by the base of his shaft and licked the pearl of moisture on the tip. Jasper moaned loudly above me, bucking up into my fist. "Fuck Edward…I want to taste you too."

He sat up, and switched positions so that we were poised to give each other blowjobs simultaneously. I dazedly watched Jasper slowly lick up and down my shaft, covering the entire surface with his saliva. His tongue and lips licked and sucked greedily along the entire length. He wrapped his lips around the rim of my head, and then flicked the sensitive knob over and over again with his tongue. Enraptured, I studied his tongue as it poked out and slashed the glans over and over again, like a kitten lapping at a saucer of milk.

He glimpsed up at me with his heavy lidded eyes. Fuck, he was so sexy.

I was getting ready to spill, and I wondered briefly if he would be ready to cum with me. Uh, yeah, that thought finally broke me from my spell. I had been in a trance watching this magnificent man worship my cock that I hadn't so much as touched him in return.

I cursed my inexperience, knowing I had to catch him up, but I took it as a challenge. I sucked Jasper's head into my mouth, humming around him, just loving the taste and texture that was Jasper. In reaction he moaned, and it sent a delicious vibration through my cock. My stomach jumped sporadically, and I was forced to halt all actions momentarily, as I fought to not explode in Jasper's mouth. Once I felt confident I wouldn't cum prematurely I warned him.

"Slow down there Jas. Please…"

He didn't say anything, but he took my dick out of his mouth, and placed chaste kisses all over it. I went back to what I was doing, sucking Jasper full into my mouth. I took all the length that I could, and gripped the rest in a fist. I hollowed my cheeks, as I bobbed up and down his shaft, twisting slightly each time I reached his head. I cupped his sac, rolling his nuts around in my hand gently, as I continued to suck him into oblivion. Jasper must have been getting close, because he started working me over again.

He was a fucking pro. It took all but two seconds for me to be in the same situation that I had been when I asked him to slow it down.

As I massaged his balls, my hand skimmed over to the _other side_, barely grazing his puckered offering. I wanted to touch it. I inch my hand closer and closer to his entrance. I was nervous, and I had plenty of reasons to be. I had never done it before, I had no idea what I was doing, Jasper was a top, and I definitely did not want to hurt him, but I was also a very curious seventeen-year-old gay boy, and that was enough to trump any reason not to.

I pressed my finger up against his hole, rubbing over the tight opening with my fingertip. Jasper must have liked it because he groaned and mumbled something around my dick. I hesitated, but threw caution to the wind and stuck my finger in up to the first knuckle, moving it around to get a feel for things in there.

Before I could make an assessment, Jasper whimpered around my cock, and started moving his hips in an erotic rhythm.

He liked it, and it urged me to move forward, by pushing my finger in further. It was warm, slick, and very tight. Yep, I think my dick would definitely like this. The muscle tensed up and clenched around my finger.

I dared to press another finger in. He groaned thickly, and I couldn't tell whether it was from pain or pleasure. "Does that hurt?"

"Yes…oh God, but don't stop." And instantly I knew what he was talking about.

It hurt so good.

But it didn't stop me from remembering yesterday, so I grasped the discarded bottle of lube at the end of the bed, and applied some to my fingertips quickly.

I resumed my position, and slowly pumped two fingers in and out of his ass. I peeked at Jasper, and watched as his eyes rolled back in his head. It was so fucking hot watching him give me head while his desire spiked. He wasn't as fluid, he wasn't as confident, or snarky in his actions. He became a greenhorn…his desperation and urgency made him seem like a novice, and I loved making him lose control.

I thought briefly about slowing down, so I could savor him longer, but I could see in his eyes that I had already past the point of no return. The primitive need shone in his eyes, like a man who would go crazy if he wasn't given, what was determined now, as a living necessity. His hand ran urgently along my side, but then made a trail roughly up his own thigh, and over his chest. He pinched his own nipple, and I was done. His hand ran errant circles along the planes of his stomach, as I worked over him in a frenzy.

His cock stiffened, and he let out a strangled moan. I pulled out, not because I didn't love the taste and texture of his essence, but because I wanted to see his spunk shoot out of his dick.

Just in the nick of time, I was pelleted with ribbons of creamy cum. The first couple streams carried a lot of velocity. I laid back to watch, so the first jet landed on my shoulder and beyond. Instinctually, I started to look behind me, to see where the rest of it had landed, but just then another spurt shot onto my chest as his dick continued to spasm in my steely grip, and my eyes became glued to the scene once again. The next one landed on his trembling stomach, and then I watched the rest dribble out as I continued to stroke his shaft slowly.

Even through his orgasm he continued to stroke me, albeit a little roughly, but it mattered NOT, because watching him in the throes of his ecstasy catapulted me into my own, and with a series of whimpers I watched as he rolled my seizing cock around his face, letting my jizz blanket his lips, cheeks and eyelids.

XXXXX

I grasped my hardened dick in my hand, remembering what Jasper had looked like with my cum all over his beautiful face. I attempted to soothe the ache away, but it did little to assuage the building need for release.

There would be none of that today.

I look down at his sleeping form with emotions that I had buried so deep I didn't think they would ever resurface. I never thought I would care, or want someone to care about me, as much as I had for Jasper, and in such a short amount of time.

He could become my life if I let him…but I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I couldn't saddle him with the life that had become my destiny since I was fifteen, when my fuck-up parents left Jane and I alone and scared.

Jane. I had to think of her.

Jasper wouldn't want to be tied down to raising a little girl, and Jane would always be my first priority. I promised her I would take care of her, that once I was old enough, we wouldn't have to rely on anyone else.

I looked down on Jasper's sleeping form, and I fought back the tears welling in my eyes once again, and I knew the act would be no stranger to me today, not breaking down would be something that I would constantly have to strive for.

I've never had a problem with goodbyes. I had left a lot of people in my life. I could do it without emotion…completely indifferent even. As one of the tears spilt over, I knew that this was not going to be a goodbye I would ever forget.

I didn't know how I was going to say goodbye. I didn't want him to try to talk me out of ending whatever the hell it was that we had started here. I feared that he wouldn't even have to try, and that I would give up all my goals in an effort as to not deny him.

He could make me change my mind, he could change my plans…my future.

I wriggled out of his embrace reluctantly, needing to clear my head, and having Jasper curled up in my arms was not helping in any way. I sat on the edge of the bed, with my elbows on my knees, and my head in my hands.

I knew it was very possible that I would take the coward's way out, by leaving him without saying goodbye at all. He would be so fucking pissed…and hurt, but Jasper was hot, sexy, and loving., so I had no doubt that he would find the perfect guy one day. I wouldn't be conceited enough to think I could scar him, so I tried to convince myself that what harm could there really be? But deep down, I knew better. I was sure Jasper cared for me, and I really had no idea how much he would be affected by a non-verbal, one-sided, goodbye.

A note.

I could leave a note. It wouldn't be ideal, by any means, but it may be the best option for me.

I could hear Jasper stirring behind me. "You okay darlin'?" He whispered. He inched forward, so that he could reach my back, rubbing slow, comforting circles along my spine. Except they weren't comforting. They made me feel nauseous. I didn't deserve his tenderness.

I picked my head up, but I didn't turn to look at him, instead opting to stare out the screened door. My eyes followed a rip in the mesh with rapt interest. I knew if I turned around and gazed into those amazingly beautiful blue eyes I would crumble. "I need to go see what Janie is up to." I said with more force than necessary. At my tone, his hand stopped moving on my back, but he must have brushed it off because after a pregnant pause it began moving again, in the same lazy pattern.

I chanced a look at him, and it was a mistake. He looked confused. My eyes shut briefly in an effort to stave off the onslaught of feelings his expression had brought on. I rose quickly to my feet, but I couldn't stop myself from turning back around, and sliding my hand to the back of his neck, pulling roughly at the hair at his nape. His head bent back under the pressure. Equal portions of desire and confusion were present in his eyes.

I promised myself there would be no sex, but this…this I could have. My lips crashed against his. His hand came up, and flattened against my cheek, sliding down to cup my jaw, as I had my way with his mouth. I devoured it. I was brutal, I was lewd, I raped it. I took everything and gave nothing. I was madder than hell, and I was taking it out on him.

As I realized this, I jumped away and mumbled an inadequate apology. I fled, telling him I would be back soon.

I ran back to the communal campsite, revolted by what I had just done. I exerted myself, running at full speed, searching for the burn in my throat, the cramping in my stomach, the surge of pain in the muscles of my legs - any kind of physical ache to penetrate the emotional turmoil attacking every fiber of my body.

Every pore oozed torment.

Each bone creaked with bitter despair.

Each organ clenched with anguished longing.

Each muscle weak with the harshness of reality.

I had nowhere to go…nowhere to hide from this…this _fucking_ disastrous weekend. I was supposed to be bonding with my sister, not falling for a guy. I stopped, and turned in a slow, dizzying circle, I looked in every direction with disgust. My lack of fidelity to my responsibilities was displayed in every corner. Everything around me screamed Jasper and I.

East: The hammock that we had talked in for, what seemed like, hours.

South: The picnic table we found nestled in the wooded area, where we shared our lunch, and then made out on afterward.

West: Another "staring moment" along that large oak tree, which happened to be where I ultimately realized that I loved him.

_I loved him. _

My head spun, as my body twisted me in circles. I had always been happy, if not content with what my future held for me. I never wavered, I never asked for more…for anything different. Why could one weekend change everything I had ever planned on?

Light-headedly, I dropped to my knees. My eyes stung. "No tears" I warned my pathetic heart. I wouldn't fucking cry…not yet. I jumped to my feet, and continued running as if trying to escape Satan himself.

When I bounded out of the woods, I had felt like I had escaped a haunted forest occupied by ghosts with eerie voices, full of joyful laughter, playful roughhousing, quiet conversation, loud moans, and sexy drawls.

I knew then that I would never forget the timbre of his voice, or the sound of his throaty laugh.

I rounded the corner, huffing and puffing. I braced my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath, and when I picked up my head I saw my real reason for living.

Seeing Jane solidified everything that I was doing. She grounded me. Made me realize what was best for us. "Eddie, Eddie!" She exclaimed excitedly, running up to me with arms wide open.

"Hey puddin' pop, whatcha up to?" I asked, as I studied her face. One cheek had a butterfly painted on it, and the start of another work of art on her other cheek.

"We're getting our faces painted? Y'wanna get your face painted too?"

"Sure Janie, but I have to talk to Carlisle real fast, and then I'll be right back." I took off for the breakfast bar, knowing that is where he would be found. As expected, he was sitting at a table, but what wasn't expected was that he was sitting at a table with Jasper's dad. _Shit_.

"Hey son." I still winced when I heard him call me that, even though the use of the endearment wasn't meant to be taken literally. The yearning still hit a little too close to home.

I mean, what boy didn't want a dad?

"Hey." I said, as I dropped into the seat next to him, and across from Jasper's dad.

"Have you met Uncle Felix?" Why did he insist on making it sound like I was part of the family?

"Umm…no, it's nice to meet you." I said bashfully, as heat rushed to my face. _Does he know what I am doing with his son? _

I peeked up to see him smirking at me, looking as if he is going to burst out laughing at my evident discomfort.

Yep…he knew, and obviously didn't care two hoots.

"It's nice to meet you Edward. Carlisle tells me that you are the same age as Jasper. Y'know…Jasper will be going to Northwestern in the fall." The suggestive tone was well noted. "We'll be renting an apartment for him right down the street from campus…a two bedroom…I think."

Now I knew where Jasper got his subtlety. I just smiled and nodded, but they weren't done with me yet. "That's right…Edward doesn't know where he is going yet. Northwestern isn't that far away, y'know." Carlisle chimed to his brother-in-law, which was basically meant to put the idea in my head, but what they didn't understand was that they would have made just as much progress trying to plant the seed in cement.

"Nope." _Uncle_ Felix agreed.

I glanced back and forth between the two of them. They both stared at me, waiting for…something. "Umm…yeah…umm…what time are we leaving?" _Nicely done_.

Carlisle looked confused, but answered anyway. "We thought we would get a head start on traffic, so probably after lunch. How about you?"

"I wish…Tawny is on the clean-up crew. We probably won't be outta here until late in the afternoon. So...you ready for another match?"

Carlisle and Felix had played tennis yesterday morning, and Carlisle started ribbing Felix about his two losses, and how he was going to smoke him again today. Felix jibed back about how Carlisle had cheated at least five times to earn those two wins.

It was fun watching their banter, and it made me forget temporarily about this afternoon.

Carlisle rose from his chair. "Have fun Edward." He patted me on the back. "But don't worry. You'll be able to see Jasper plenty when we get home - if you want." Carlisle and Felix smiled knowingly at each other.

_Little did they know._

"Hey umm…Carlisle, do you have some paper and maybe a pen?" I asked.

Carlisle threw his duffel on the table, and rummaged through the contents. He pulled out a steno notebook, and a very expensive looking pen. I made a mental note not to lose the pen. "Oh, by the way, the kids had learned some songs over the weekend, and they are going to be giving the adults a recital at eleven by the campfire site. They should be rehearsing now." He squeezed my shoulder and walked away.

_How come I didn't already know that? _My neglect was like acid in my stomach.

I stared long and hard at the paper. No one had to remind me that this wasn't the right way to go about this. In the last five minutes, as I contemplated what I was going to say, I had called myself every name in the book. I was a selfish, pathetic bastard by not to wanting to face Jasper, and say the words.

_I can't be with you._

I debated between writing something from my heart, but nixed it almost immediately because I didn't want him to try to contact me after we got back "home". The only other choices were to be callous, or indifferent. Both of those, tasted like a bitter pill.

Putting the pen to the paper, I resolved to get this distasteful task over with. I compromised by adding a little heart, a tiny bit insensitivity, and a tad of insouciance.

_Wonderful_. He was guaranteed to hate me after this.

I looked in disgust at the vacant, emotionless smatterings of words on the paper and reluctantly added my signature, folding it neatly into a small square. My heart constricted when I realized that I only had a couple hours left with him. Not wanting to waste anymore of our precious time together I searched for Jane to make sure she wasn't in want of anything.

I spotted her immediately…high above the throng of people, and I froze in place. I took slow steps closer, and as the crowd dismantled around her I could see her on the shoulders of another, and I knew that backside anywhere.

_Jasper_.

I must've said that out loud because he turned around and his bright blue eyes fell upon mine. The repulsive piece of paper in my hand crumpled, as the intensity of his gaze sent a lightning bolt of desire and longing through me.

I pushed the note deep within my pocket, and made my way over to them, never dropping eye contact. I realized then that I had to stop showing my heart on my sleeve. If I didn't change my attitude he was going to see right through that note, and try to pursue me after we left.

Once closer, I noticed that her and Jasper had matching art on their cheeks. My expression must have been funny because Jane and Jasper started laughing simultaneously.

Her head dropped down to Jasper's ear and she cupped her hand over her mouth and his ear, so I couldn't hear her secret. He chuckled at whatever she had said. "I think it is Edward's turn to get his face painted, don't you Janie?"

_How could he have suffused himself in her little heart so soon too? _

_What _is_ it about him?_

"It's Jane."

"Huh?" He asked, perplexed.

"Her name…it's Jane." I said acerbically. No one called her Janie but me.

_Who gave him the right to come in and turn our worlds upside down?_

I hold out my hands to grab her, and Jasper leans down to assist. I tried really hard not to look in his eyes, but my eyes strayed to him of their own free will, and there was no mistaking the hurt and confusion.

"Do you…" He had to clear his throat to begin again. "Do you want me to come back later?" He said roughly.

"No. Don't go." I plead. His eyes widened at my decision, questioning me, I knew.

I recognized that I was giving him mixed signals. I was so mystified myself. I had never been in this situation before, and I found myself insufficiently experienced in knowing how to deal with it. "No one has ever called her Janie except me. I was just a little shocked to hear someone else call her that." I explained, as I grabbed the back of his hand, and kissed it briefly before dropping it.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" He trailed off, his eyes jumping from place to place.

_What could he say?_ That he is sorry for calling my sister the same thing that I have been calling her all weekend long? _What the hell was I doing?_ I had no _fucking_ clue, but I knew I couldn't do this for the next three or four hours. I didn't think I could stand to look at that expression on his face for one second longer.

I took Jane's small hand in mine, and then I grabbed Jasper's large, masculine hand in my other. What I wouldn't give to walk through life just like this.

"No, I'm sorry." I said to Jasper fervently, but didn't offer any additional explanation, because I couldn't think of anything appropriate besides the truth. "C'mon, honey, let's go find Esme, apparently you have a rehearsal of some kind."

She stopped in her little tracks, and crossed her arms over her chest petulantly. "Who told you? It was supposed to be a surprise."

I bent down, and took in her pouty face. I mimicked it, jutting my lower lip out and making "sad eyes". She tried unsuccessfully to hide her smile.

"What're you talking about? It's the talk of the camp." Jasper said with a shrug. "I heard about it from at least four people before I found you sweetheart." He glimpsed up at me quickly. Probably to make sure that his new term of endearment didn't set me off again.

Did I mention that I was a dickhead?

Oh yeah, along with about a hundred other names I had called myself in the last hour.

"Really?" Her eyes were wide and excited.

"There you are." Esme cooed when she saw Jane. "We have a lot of stuff to do before the show. C'mon sugar."

Since I was still bent at the knees Jane clasped both of her palms on my cheeks, and planted a kiss on my nose, then ran to Esme.

Esme turned as they began to walk away. "Eleven o'clock, boys. Don't be late. I want to see you two in the front row."

After they departed Jasper and I stood in awkward silence. He knew something was up, but obviously, didn't know specifics. He started kicking the dirt at his feet, and I followed suit. "Jasper, I want to apologize again. I am in a crappy ass mood." He just shrugged, but his eyes remain fixed on the cloud of dust he created at his feet.

_How the fuck am I going to do this?_

XXXXX

As instructed, Jasper and I were front row, and center, for the concert. There were about twenty or so children ranging from four to ten participating.

I glanced over at Jasper who had a wide smile on his face from watching the eager kids fidget nervously, as the crowd multiplied to catch the display. Jasper's beautiful smiles had been rare today.

I had been hot and cold all morning long. I had attempted to disguise my rapidly growing depression, and at times I seemed to accomplish that, but my despair was relentless and would occasionally seep through the barrier I had haphazardly erected, and Jasper would witness a small portion of my torment.

Often when this happened, Jasper would say something about going to a concert, going to the movies, or a ball game…all the fucking shit I would love to do with him, and then I would fall even deeper into my desolation. I knew he was precariously close to his wits end about how to handle me.

With any luck he would be happy to be rid of me when this was all over.

I was surprised he didn't give me the boot after the display at the lake today. Everything was going well until Peter and Bella showed up on the scene, monopolizing my and Jasper's alone time.

_*flashback*_

"Hey guys, what's up?" Bella asked from the shore. I sighed heavily.

Jasper and I had been hanging out on a floating apparatus that looked like a big rainbow fish, soaking up rays, and being content in one another's company.

Peter dove in and attacked our float, disturbing the serene environment we had created. To say that I was a little pissed was an understatement. I was being childish, but that knowledge didn't stop me from stomping out of the river, and transmitting a baleful look in Bella's direction when I stalked passed her.

They just didn't understand my insurmountable frustration at the chore laid out in front of me today. I just wanted the calm before the shit storm began.

I could hear Peter say, "what a dick. Is he raggin' today?"

And then I heard Jasper's unwavering defense of my unforgivably juvenile display, "shut the fuck up Peter. Don't talk about him like that. He's fine. We…we just didn't get a lot of sleep last night." I turned, and I was still close enough to see the hurt so plainly evident in his eyes.

I glimpsed at Bella again, and she stared at me in a way that made me wonder if women's intuition wasn't just a myth. She further confirmed this when she whispered, "please don't do this to him." The naked sadness in her eyes was my further undoing, and I could feel the tears beginning to emerge.

"I have to go to the bathroom…" I walked quickly, each step faster and more desperate. I didn't head for the bathroom because that would have entailed me walking past people in my current state, so I just walked further into a wooded area and sat against a tree stump. I brought my knees to my chest, and rested my chin on my arms.

Instead of thinking about my current situation, which would have hurtled me into a crying mess, I looked at the bigger picture. Jane and I - maybe two years from now. I'd have a job, I'd have an apartment, and I'd have Jane. She would be in a permanent home, and a school that she could stay at. She could make friends and be happy, and after all that was achieved I could start a life of my own.

I looked at my watch and noticed that it had been almost twenty minutes and I rushed back to where I left Jasper. If I had to share my time with him, then so be it, but when I arrived back he was all alone. Sitting on the top of a picnic table, his elbows were on his knees and his hands were deeply entangled in his wet curls.

_I love you._

Three impossible, suffocating words.

It would be so easy to say fuck it, and drag Jasper into the life that I am fated to lead, but that was just wrong, and what good would it do? It would only be a matter of time before he bailed on me. My life is too messed up, my plans too complicated. I couldn't afford to have him around until he decided to leave me and Jane. His pain, today, would be short lived, but the longer he stayed in mine, the pain would last dangerously close to a lifetime. Not to mention how his leaving would affect Jane.

It still floored me that I had fallen so hard, and in such a short amount of time, but the fact is that I did. I had wondered if it had anything to do with him just being my first sexual experience, but that didn't explain my initial reaction upon seeing him, and that unconditional need to take care of him. In any case, it didn't seem normal. I'd ask Jasper, but it was a little too late to be bringing up subjects like theorizing love at first sight.

I couldn't lead him on any more than I already had.

I knew Jasper would have a million questions about my most recent display, so I walked up to him with every bit of stealth that I could manage, which wasn't so hard to do in sand, and before he even realized I was there I had his face in my hands, and was kissing him with all the ferocity that I felt. He hesitated for a moment, but gave in and hungrily participated. Both of his hands plunged into my hair. His lips and hands wordlessly pleaded for me to forget whatever bug was up my ass. I open my eyes to see his pinched shut, and I felt like my heart was going to expire.

So I strained to remain happy - for him.

_*end of flashback*_

When I came back from my reverie, the group of children was singing _Eensy, Weensy Spider_. Jane was singing happily, and moving her hands in a way that was signifying the creature she was singing about.

Jasper had a smile plastered to his face…a grin a mile wide, and his eyes showed his merriment. He could sense that he was being stared at and looked my way. He gave me a quick wink, and grabbed the hand that was sitting in between us. I threaded my fingers through his, and his smile got impossibly wider, which was apparently infectious because I formed my own smile.

We sat like that while the kids sang _Baby Bumble Bee_, and _Old MacDonald Had a Farm_. Each child had picked their own animal for the farm. When it came to Jane's turn she had chosen to make pig noises. Instead of singing "oink, oink" like pigs talked in books, she took her rendition from the petting zoo one of our foster parents took us to, and snorted exuberantly, which earned laughs from the entire crowd.

After the display, my mood soured instantly.

Lunch was being served.

"You ready to go eat…" His words abruptly stopped when he looked into my ashen face. "Darlin'? Are you okay?" His look of concern, made me want to pull my hair out.

"I'm not…h-hungry Jas. I need to lie down. Please…please take a nap with me. Please." I begged, both my hands reached for him, and he circled his arms around me immediately.

"Whatever you want Edward." We stayed like that for a moment before he grudgingly unwrapped himself from me, but grabbed both of my hands and began to walk backward. "C'mon, let's go."

We both laid down on the bed fully clothed and he embraced me, so that my head was lying on his chest. His fingers combed through my hair, and massaged my scalp.

_Why hadn't he abandoned me by now? _I was such a fucked up mess.

It took several minutes before his ministrations stopped, and I felt the steady rise and fall of his perfect chest. I propped my head up on my hand and stared at him for a long time, memorizing each one of his features, but when I feared the time had come that Carlisle or Esme would be looking for me, I got up.

I wanted to kiss him one last time…but I wouldn't allow myself that. He wouldn't benefit from it, and I didn't deserve it. So, I denied myself a last kiss. I fished the note out of my pocket and laid it on the night table. After one final look, I turned and walked away.

"Oh, good…we were looking for you honey. Are you ready to go?" Esme asked, than she took a look around. "Where's Jasper?"

"Umm…we already said goodbye to each other." She seemed to believe the lie, and continued to pack items into the SUV.

I was about to get into the vehicle, when I was grabbed roughly by my arm, and swung around.

"What are you doing?" Bella hissed, but her angry eyes softened when she could see something that I could not possibly hide anymore. Silent tears ran in torrents down my cheeks.

"Edward, you don't have to do this," she pleaded. "Look, I know you have been through some shit, but it doesn't have to be this way…"

I swiped angrily at the tears on my face. "Yes, Bella it does." I lowered my voice, so no one around us could eavesdrop. "Jane and I are going to be moving on soon. It's better to cut this off sooner than later."

"But you're not even going to say goodbye?"

"I left a note."

"_A note_? Don't you care about him at all?"

Did I not care about him? I could smack her.

"Okay kids…let's go." Carlisle stated, oblivious to what was going on.

"Please…" she whispered, "he…he isn't as strong as you think."

I steel my expression. "I have to go now Bella. Take care." I swung open the door and got in. "And _please_, take care of him."

As hours passed, and we made several stops along the way, my need to express my torment grew to immeasurable heights. If Carlisle had noticed, he said nothing.

I tried not to think about how Jasper felt when he found my note or what he was doing now, or how I wished I was still there with him.

I couldn't think about what I wanted, what would make me happy. All I knew is that my life was not my own.

So when we were well into our travels, and the moon had replaced the sun, the only illumination being the faint dashboard lights, and Janie was tucked into my side, sleeping soundly, did I allow the tears to flow freely.

* * *

**AN: ****I just want to make it clear that I don't condone any of Edward's actions – so please don't throw tomatoes at me. :)**

**Anyone think that Jasper is going to be a little P.O'd when he wakes up? Review, and I promise I won't wait another 7 months to update, js. Reviewers will get a little something extra.**


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